lomelda
It’s Friday night and I’m supposed to work tomorrow but I don’t want to. I’m listening to Lomelda after a friend sent ‘Hannah Sun’ my way today and it feels really good. Sipping a little raspberry Bubly with lemon juice, maple syrup and vodka. It’s perfect. I stopped at Freshii on the way home for a kale ceasar salad (they are my favourite) and I’m about to make an invitation for a party my sister is having in Calgary so those are my Friday night plans. Getting crafty. I just showered and am frankly ready for bed but I promised to send a version of the invitation her way tonight. Lomelda’s vocals aren’t my favourite but their chords progressions are. I feel motivated and alive when I listen and those are the vibes we are chasing this year. But also the sticky note on my laptop says “hot and unavailable is the vibe” so that is also the vibe this year. I also feel a little guilty because last night I missed counselling (not on purpose, I just didn’t know when we scheduled the appointment for) and I still had to pay $165 for missing the session. So that doesn’t feel great.
I’m experiencing a little (very normative) fear about not working full time and also making travel plans for the Spring. My friend Tabitha and I are talking about hiking the Camino de Santiago (a second time for me) as well as doing some WWOOFing (Worldwide Opportunities on Organic Farms). I’m nervous and curious and excited but mostly right now just kind of apprehensive and restless. I want to go but I also want to be responsible. I want to make good long lasting life choices and I think travelling is basically never a bad choice. Unless you find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time. There are other opportunities to look into like volunteering abroad or doing a working holiday visa. But I’m not sure how long I want to actually be anywhere right now. I feel like this is sort of a taste tester trip to see where I feel drawn to long term? Even though I know my number one place is Scotland. I can’t wait to go back. It feels like home there and I don’t know why. Sometimes I think it’s an ancestral thing and sometimes I wonder if it’s a past life thing.
I want to destroy my iPhone. It is such a little time and energy waster. I don’t even have social media apps on there but why do I need to be in a family group chat? I just hate group chats.
Lately I’ve been feeling really artistically inspired and now my friend Hannah (another Hannah, I know) and I are planning a big party where we sell our art and I want it to be really cool and fun and awesome. It’s going to be on November 21st and I want it to shake up the world in a very good way. I want it to galvanize people and I want it to bring them together.
This week started with me feeling really inspired and excited about life but also tender and kind of sensitive but still gritty. Today finds me sort of at the end of my rope - I’m exhausted and a little angry and mostly just need a hug. But writing here feels really goof and restful. I’m going to make these invitations and crawl into bed and let my little brain rest. She’s been working really hard.